There were times during sessions and homework when I needed to close my eyes because I was getting tired of the fusion-alternating-fusion-alternating thing that made objects disappear.
The day after my third session was when I first sensed that something strange was happening to me. I went out dancing in a bar near my house and the place was packed with people dancing to all sorts of Latin American music in Spanish. I’d been to crowded dance places before, but that night, I was feeling particularly uncomfortable by all the noise and people. I had to apologize over and over again that I couldn’t hear people well. I had to walk away from the dancing and just stand by the bar to feel better. Though I was enjoying myself and only drinking water, I felt over over stimulated.
By the 5th session, I started to feel like I was truly losing both my coordination and my mind. After therapy, I rushed to the gym to attend my Zumba class and was struggling to follow the new routine. Lost, I stood watching the instructor and other students dance around to some Latin music and could not follow. Though I’d only taken this class twice before, I knew it wasn’t hard and couldn’t understand why I was moving my arms and legs at the wrong time. Frustrated, I left the class early and came home to prepare for a date. I turned on the water to draw a bath and the waited for it to heat up, frustrated at how cold it was. Then I looked and saw that I had indeed turned on the cold water instead of the hot water. I knew something was going wrong. After my bath, I laid down on my mattress and closed my eyes, hoping to gain my composure and not be too clumsy on my date, knocking over tea cups or whatever. I made it through my date without falling over or hitting anyone.