I was going to go salsa dancing tonight but memories of my aborted salsa dancing a month ago and my all-too comfortable position on the couch kept me away. When I went salsa dancing a month ago, the ceiling was spinning as I twirled around. (Effect of the vision therapy.)
This afternoon, I was meeting with a Spanish acquaintance of mine to go over my manuscript in Spanish and the noise of the coffee grinder, the music, and the loud barista were bothering me.
So once I got comfortable at home in the silence, I realized that I might have fun salsa dancing if I didn’t see the disco ball and ceiling lights moving in fast circles, but it might be too much for me with all the music, lights and people. I am soaking in my silence now since my housemates are in Argentina.
Speaking of my former home (of one year) at the end of the world, the movie “The Tango Lesson” with Sally Potter and Pablo Veron comes to mind. Sally Potter plays herself, a British filmmaker, who is learning to dance tango with the famous Pablo Veron. The movie goes between French, Spanish and English and Veron tells her:
“Il faut trouver ton axe.”
“Tenés que encontrar tu eje.” (Tenés is the Argentine vos form of the second person singular. Most Spanish speakers would say “tienes” and not “tenes”.)
(I tried finding the script and this scene online, but couldn’t.)
You need to find your center and then you can dance.
This phrase rings in my ears a lot. It did even before I started changing the axes of my world with vision therapy. Before I can really twirl around, I need to find my center. Honestly, I don’t know where it is. I need to re-discover it. Sometimes I feel so tired that I don’t know what I should be doing.
Voy a encontrar mi eje. Je vais trouver mon axe. I will find my center.
And then, and only then, will I twirl.