Yes, I see things that don’t exist. I’ve gone from not seeing in 3D and not understanding why people obsess over full lips, butts and breasts to actually seeing things that are not there. But I still don’t see in 3D. It’s as though I came to the movies to see a 3D movie and ended up in the fantasy screening instead.

About five weeks ago, I went to see my ophthalmologist at the Santa Clara Kaiser facility where I’ve been going for years. My doctor is moving to the Bronx and wanted to see his patients before he left. I had lent him my copy of “Fixing My Gaze” by Susan Barry so that he could tell his other strabismic patients about vision therapy. I told him that I had started my therapy and wanted to see if he could perceive any changes in me.

He had me put on red-green glasses and look at some dots he flashed on the wall. Instead of seeing four dots, I saw five.

“Doctor, how can I see five dots if there are only four? I am seeing things that don’t exist.”

“You are in a confusional state. You are using both eyes, but you are not fusing. Your vertical divergence is disassociated. The signals sent are not integrated from one eye to another.”

(I am copying this from my notes. He might have also said I was in a non-fusional stated instead of a confusional state.)

Non-fusion or confusion. It doesn’t make a difference. I see five dots instead of four.

What else do I see that is not there? What else is a figment of my confusion, non fusion or imagination?


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