One of the things I struggle with is how much to tell people about my therapy. Last week, I was complaining to a friend about my fatigue and headaches from VT and he jokingly said he knew women who would deny him sex because they had headaches. I did not laugh. I was seriously having trouble with my fatigue and headaches.
My mom asked for the second time to drive her to sweltering Sacramento to see her friend after I had denied her ridiculous request to drive for two hours in the heat previously. Her friend insisted my mom ask me to drive her. I berated my mother for not using her brain and realizing that I’ve always hated driving and I am now not in a position to drive much because of my vision and fatigue. She refused to think about my position and how much I have been going through to improve my sight. She was just thinking about her own desire to see her friend and her reluctance to take the train. Perhaps she was too ashamed to tell her friend that her daughter at the age of 33 has vision issues that sometimes make her see in double and make her very tired and irritable. I think it’s more that my mom, and perhaps many others to whom I’ve spoken to about my vision, simply cannot fathom what it’s like to have to constantly negotiate with one’s vision. I see something where I know it does not exist. I see streetlights bigger than they are sometimes. This constant double-checking and negotiating reality vs. perception is EXTREMELY tiring and nerve-racking. And when people who care for me can not understand that I very much need to be left alone and not be tasked with being a long distance taxi, attend annoying family events where people are super loud and can’t keep their stupid comments to themselves, it hurts very deeply. I have limited my social life immensely, given up on travel for this year, stay away from places with loud music and lots of people, and have had to content myself with a more solitary life than I have ever had.
Explaining the psychological shift from 2D to 3D perhaps is just as hard as explaining what 3D is to a person who has been seeing flat their whole lives.