Vision therapy doldrums

To say that I am frustrated, irritated, annoyed and confused about vision therapy is a diplomatic way of expressing how I feel. Insert a lot of expletives and flying and crashing plates and glasses to emphasize each syllable to feel my deep and multi-dimensional suffering. I do think that suffering can be optional. But at this point, I think even my optometrist doesn’t know what to do with me. So I can’t get rid of my suffering if I don’t know that I will get out of this hole.

I don’t know what to do with myself.

I can’t go out at night unless someone drives me. Each light is a starburst with rays going in each direction like a drawing of the sun. Each and every headlight, brake light, traffic light and street light is about 6-7 times wider than normal.

The traffic light is in double.

If I look at anything long enough, it’s in double.

My social life is limited to daylight hours unless I can get a ride. Last week, I spent several nights watching Sesame Street in English, Russian and Spanish with my four and six year old nephew and niece. Yes, the Cookie Monster and I were a date.

Being dependent on others for transportation is bad. I was supposed to leave to a Halloween Party tonight with my sister. She lost track of time at her kids’ Halloween party and didn’t bother to call me to tell me that she couldn’t take me. When I called her, she said, “Go on without me.” I was already dressed up as a gypsy with all sorts of jewelry hanging on my neck and wrists.

“What part of ‘I can’t drive at night’ did you not get? I told you many times how bad my vision is at night now after 9 months of vision therapy. I can’t go to the party unless someone drives me!!!” I exclaimed to her like an upset middle schooler.

She didn’t get it. Her 33 year old sister can’t go anywhere at night by herself.

This sucks. (I have a much more profane description of my feelings but I am trying to keep this blog clean.)

You might think that I shouldn’t be so upset that I am missing a Halloween party. But, I have no life. I have to live at my parents’ house now since I can’t go anywhere by myself at night. It would be too lonely to be alone somewhere. This Halloween party is the ONLY evening fun I’ve had in a long time. Yes, it’s not a necessity, but I feel like I am under house arrest and I need some air.

I called around and found a friend who can pick me up even though it’s totally out of her way. It feels like I am in junior high school and have to rely on my parents, sister or my friends’ older siblings to drive me around. My optometrist doesn’t know why I see these huge rays of light at night and said he needs to think about it.

Being a mystery to oneself and to one’s optometrist is a horrible place to be. (Again, insert expletives at any place in this sentence.)


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