Although no day is absent of my thoughts concerning vision therapy, I often feel paralyzed to write about the status of my vision or I procrastinate and do other things online. But I do want to get my recent visual and mental changes documented on this blog so that I can mentally move on.
Being in the “no man’s land” of intermittent double vision and starburst night lights in between my early October trip to Russian and my early November trip to Azerbaijan blocked me mentally. Thoughts on the subject and my deep frustration dominated my daily mental processes, I was unable or unwilling to sit down and write for my own catharsis. Yes, the polyglot was bound by her own confusion and frustration and couldn’t write! Perhaps in cases of future pseudo-paralysis of my writing muscles, I will record an audio Mp3 file and upload it to this blog.
Where do I begin?
Before going to Russia on October 2, I had images of myself as a professional figure skater or doing acrobatics. I think I had so much build up frustration and energy that wanted to get out. I felt trapped by my vision issues.
Shortly after returning from Russia around October 10, I noticed that I was having a lot of trouble driving at night because I saw halos around lights and huge light rays going 10 feet (around 3.3 meters) up and around street lights, car lights, and traffic signals. I could only drive very short distances at night because I would see many lights everywhere. (I think eye doctors call this starburst.) As I couldn’t be mobile, I was stuck at home and very annoyed. The images of Olympic figure skating prowess continued and became more frequent. I felt even more trapped.
After waiting almost 2.5 months for my appointment, I went to see a prominent neuro-ophthalmologist in San Francisco and with one of his medical fellows and two residents watching me, I got his pronouncement that I would not develop 3D vision with vision therapy. When I asked what to do with my double vision and night vision problems, he referred me back to my developmental optometrist. I left his office destroyed. My friend bought me a margarita in Union Square and I almost fell asleep on the train ride home.
Frustrated was only a mild term for what I really felt.
I went to see my developmental optometrist a few days before leaving for Azerbaijan and he was stumped about my night vision issues and said he needed to think about it. I was upset that he didn’t have a solution, but I realized it was best he had time to mull it over. Meanwhile, I knew I wouldn’t have to drive in Azerbaijan, so my night vision issues should not be such a problem.