As the words of my 11th opinion sunk in, I realized that no one knows when I’ll be done with this and when I will get over my horror fusionis, develop central fusion and be on my merry way. The original thought was that my therapy would be done in a year. It’s been a year and nine months with a six week break during the summer of 2010.

I can’t continue delaying what I want to do in my life because of the side effects of binocular vision therapy. Part of my frustration with VT stems from the fact that my deficiency in concentration and sensitivity to noise and input has made me reduce or eliminate travel, reduce social activities, not go out dancing, and not pursue other professional pursuits. I figured I should give my brain a break and just wait until the therapy was over to do something new or participate in activities like travel and dancing that require a lot of patience, concentration, hand-eye coordination and ability to be around lots of visual and auditory input.

I have several projects related to promoting foreign language learning, publishing and a political activism that I will cease to leave on the back burner. I will find ways to realize my dreams despite my limitations mentally and physically.

Once I came to this realization, things around me changed. I quickly found two people with whom to collaborate on making some videos on You Tube to promote foreign language learning. A few days after my 11th second opinion, I was making a video in San Francisco about learning languages without leaving the country. The following week, a saxophonist I know who had been inviting me for months to his salsa concerts, finally got me to go to dance. I had never danced so well in my life.

My vision also changed. I could see better even with my glasses off. Cars and people in motion moved more smoothly, as though they were in slow motion. Objects appeared to be sharper.

My energy came back. I didn’t feel as lethargic. I also had fewer instances of confusing languages.

The ophthalmologist saw me after one year and told me that my eyes were straighter than before. While waiting for my appointment, I noticed the carpet in the waiting room and how the lighter colored patterns in the carpet were raised above the darker ones. I got on my hands and knees to sit on the floor to closely examine the carpet to make sure that in face the light colored patterns were not on the same level as the rest of the carpet. You know you are in binocular vision therapy when you have a newfound interest in waiting room carpets and you get into a crawling position to confirm your new visual perceptions!

I’ve been feeling much, much better.

Changing my inner perception of life and getting out of “being stuck” literally changed my vision. You could also posit that my visual changes were already in the works and their manifestation just happened to coincide with my mental re-direction.

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6 responses »

  1. JackB says:

    Is your binocular vision improvement measureable with some ophthalmologic tests ?

    • Yes, in September, I returned to my ophthalmologist for my yearly check-up and he confirmed that my eyes are straighter (more aligned) than they were a year ago. So vision therapy is working and can be verified via an ophthalmologist.

  2. Keith Cary says:

    Well, being a musician myself, I’d have to give partial credit to the salsa music and the dancing. Also, as a musician, I’m very aware of the plateau effect when practicing. I practice and practice and after a while nothing seems to change, it all flattens out. Sometimes I’ll knock off for a week or two and suddenly it seems that I’ve gotten better. Every musician I know has experienced this in some form. The VT exercises I’ve been doing remind me more of music practice than of any other thing I’ve ever done.

  3. Martin says:

    Hello

    My name is Martin and I live in Sweden

    I just came across this blog post when searching for ‘horror fusionis’.
    I have had strabismus since birth, and I have undergone four eye surgeries for that.
    It was after my fourth surgery (when I was about 15 years old) that I developed a severe case of diplopia, and some years later I was diagnosed with ‘horror fusionis’. My eyes simply can´t fuse into one image. The dual images are constantly moving away/towards each other.
    I´ve had several meetings with eye doctors where attempts was made to fuse the two images into one using prisms, but no success.

    Are you diagnosed with ‘horror fusionis’ too? If so, how is your daily life affected by that?
    I´ve learned to live with it, knowing that it probably will never be ‘fixed’.

    Regards
    Martin

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