The irony of my goal is to attain some level of stereopsis so I can see at least some of what others can see in 3D. But as I travel the road to 3D land, I feel even more isolated from those who live in stereoland than I did when I was either ignorant of the distance between myself in 2D land and those on the other side of the border or when I did know of the frontier but I didn’t do anything to traverse it. I feel more distant from some people now that I have been hurt by their inability to listen to me explain what I am going through or their apparent dementia when it comes to remembering what I’ve told them in the past. The result is that I keep my mouth shut and don’t talk about my struggle. I am sure any therapist or shrink reading this will say that I’m doing myself more harm by keeping quiet. But apart from this blog, and the few people I know in person who have gone through this, I feel very isolated. Talking to people who fail to listen or try to put themselves in my shoes is worse than double vision or seeing inanimate objects move. It hurts deeply and shows a deep insensitivity and lack of care on their parts.
I made the terrible mistake of taking my mom with me to one of my trips to VT. People have asked me before why I take 2-3 hours one way via two trains to get to VT when I could drive and get there in an hour. This mere question reflects someone’s lack of understanding or forgetting of how hard it is for me to drive and how extremely tired I can be after VT, when driving a long distance is out of the question. Bringing along someone else for the ride was a disaster. I decided to do my mom a favor and drive her so she could meet someone she needed to meet and I could go to VT. Taking the train for 10 hours would have been better than my horrible decision. The VT session was extremely hard. I had regressed with all of my exercises and things I could do before were becoming super difficult. I was wiped out and super hungry by the time I left the office. I felt like a failure. 

I could tell by my level of hunger that the VT had been so hard that I had probably expended a lot of calories in less than an hour of getting my eyes to doing things in unison.

My mom and I went to a restaurant and I told her how bad I felt and how hard my session was and she would not be quiet. Instead, she bugged me with a bunch of questions about why I couldn’t find a closer place to do VT, why I couldn’t do all of these activities at home and other things which I had explained to her before. I often find that when I tell people about where I go for VT or how expensive it is, instead of listening to me and providing me support, they barrage me with obvious questions about why I haven’t found a cheaper option closer to home. DUH! If I hate driving and I don’t have deep pockets, don’t you think I would have searched for another option and if it existed that I would go for it? Please, don’t treat me like an imbecile! This is when I realize that there’s no use even breaching the subject again because these people aren’t listening or using their brains, they’re just listening to react and give their very useless and unsolicited advice.

On the ride home, I had to ask my mom three times to be quiet. No matter how many times I tell her it’s hard for me to drive and that I see double, she doesn’t understand that bothering me with stupid comments or questions when I’m behind the wheel is counterproductive to our reaching our destination safely.

I bet I’m not the only one who needs silence or sleep after VT just to be functional. This is why I don’t ask people to drive me to VT because I can’t ask people to be quiet for the entire ride.


2 responses »

  1. Robert C. says:

    Thanks for sharing this. I can relate. I’m currently lucky enough to be able to ride my bicycle to VT. Always stop by the coffee house on the way home so I can be sure I will have some quiet time.

  2. Marc says:

    It sounds like you must work at it harder than I ever did. Although I made progress with coordinating my eyes, I rarely suffered more than a bad headache afterwards. It may have been I went back to my monocular world as soon as VT was done, so that I could actually function.

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